Finding Myself
by mybeautifuldemon
Summary: Elliot is seperated from Kathy. How does he deal? EO
1. Troubles

Wednesday 12/15/04 7:55 a.m.

Detective Elliot Stabler walked into the 1-6 precinct at five till eight, which was late for him. His partner, Olivia Benson stared at him, taking in his disheveled appearance. He still had his five 'o clock shadow from the previous day, his blue eyes were bloodshot and his suit was wrinkled, in fact it was the same one he had worn the day before.

"Take this." Olivia said, handing him a cup of coffee.

"Thanks."

She continued to stare at him for a few more seconds before saying "Have a rough night?"

Elliot stared into his coffee. "Why do you say that?"

"Elliot come on I'm not blind, you look like hell."

"I feel like hell."

He had told her numerous times that he was over Kathy leaving him and taking the kids but this proves that he's not.

"How much did you have to drink last night?" she asked, moving so that she was looking into his eyes.

"Ah lets see… a bottle of Jack's and a couple of beers."

She opened her mouth to say something but at that time detective John Munch walked in. "You look like hell Elliot."

"Thanks for noticing john." Elliot said sarcastically.

"Anytime."

"Alright people I don't pay you to sit around." Captain Donald Cragen said as he walked into the bullpen. His eyes settled on Elliot. "Elliot can I see you in my office?"

Elliot sighed and got up from his chair. He followed the captain into his office.

"You look like hell Elliot."

Elliot glared and Cragen and sighed. "You're not the only one who thinks so."

"What's going on with you?"

"I dunno Cap'n. I-I've been drinking every night. I haven't been able to sleep…"

The captain sighed. "How long has this been going on?"

"Since Kathy left."

Cragen nodded. "Look, go home, take a shower and get some rest." Come back tomorrow, and then I'll put you to work ok?"

Elliot shook his head. "The house is empty, I can't go home."

"I tell you what; go get whatever you need from your house and come back to the station house. You can sleep in the Crib."

Elliot reluctantly nodded his head. "What about Liv?"

"Don't worry about her. Ill put her on desk duty for the day."

Elliot gave a weak smile. "Oh she'll love that." Cragen smiled. "Thanks don." He walked out and went to his desk to get his jacket.

"You ok?" Olivia asked, looking up from her paperwork.

"Yea I'm just gonna go pick up some stuff at the house."

She nodded. "Elliot if you ever need someone to talk to I'm always here no matter what time of day. And if you ever feel like not going home your always welcome at my place."

A small smile whipped across his face. "Thanks Liv." He turned and walked out of the bullpen. Olivia smiled to herself and went back to her paperwork.

10:00 A.M. Same Day

Elliot walked into the squad room with a duffel bag draped over his shoulder. He walked into the precinct showers. Since it was still early no one was in there. He took a shower then shaved. When he was done he took his bag into the squad room in put it in his locker. Olivia was sitting at her desk. He hadn't noticed her when he had first walked in.

"Hey, you look better." Olivia said, trying not to stare at Elliot's chest, which was covered by just a muscle shirt (and there was plenty of muscle). "Are you going to sleep in the Crib?"

"I'm gonna try." Elliot responded as he closed his locker. "So did Captain put you on desk duty?" He had a small smirk on his face as he said this. He knew how much she hated being stuck at a desk.

Olivia glared at him. "Yes."

Elliot chuckled. "Have fun." He walked towards the stairs leading up to the Crib.

"Oh thanks a lot." Olivia said with a laugh.

Half way up the stairs Elliot stopped and looked back at Olivia. She was still staring at him. Elliot smiled and continued up the stairs. When he got to the top he shook his head. _I can't be having these thoughts about Liv! _He screamed at himself. _My wife has left me and taken my kids and here I am thinking about Liv! But its nothing new is it? I've been thinking of her for six years now haven't I? But now it's different, I'm not married now. _He sighed and walked into the room.

Olivia sat at her desk trying to concentrate on her paperwork, but her thoughts kept coming back to Elliot and how he hadn't told her about his problems. It's like he's blocking her out, first she found out about Elliot and Kathy from a damn lawyer instead of Elliot and now she's found out about Elliot's drinking problem from the captain. _Doesn't he know that I am here?_ She looked down at her paperwork and closed her eyes. When she did this she loved what she saw. It was the very thing that she wished she could wake up to every morning. Olivia could stare into those eyes forever; they had so much depth in them. They would change different shades of blue according to Elliot's mood. They would turn a beautiful periwinkle when he was happy, they would light up when he laughed. But she loved his eyes most of all when he was angry. They would turn a deep, dark blue that would glow when he yelled. But lately his eyes have been blank, empty. They showed no emotion except anguish.

"Olivia…"

Olivia opened her eyes to see the captain standing in front of her.

"Sorry captain. I-I'll get back to work."

Cragen smiled and nodded. "Don't worry about Elliot Olivia, he'll come through."

"I know he will."

"Good… now get back to work."

"Yes sir."

Elliot lay on the bunk staring at the bunk above him. It had been over an hour since he went up to the Crib. He hadn't gotten any sleep. He kept thinking about what had gone wrong between Kathy and him. Kathy had said that it was his hours that he spent at work. He couldn't blame her; sometimes he wouldn't come for days. The night that she had left he had been gone for three days. He told her that he would change his hours; he had told her that for two years so she knew he wouldn't do it. She said that she was tired of waking up in the night and find his side of the bed cold. But twenty years of marriage and she just walks away! _Twenty fucking years! _He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to sleep. _This is impossible. _He opened his eyes and looked around the room. His eyes fell on the stereo the precinct had bought last year. He swung his legs around and stood up, careful no to hit his head on the top bunk. He walked over and opened the CD player. He laughed to himself when he saw what was in it; Fin's rap crap. He took it out and put in Kenny G. He went back to the bunk and laid down. The soft sound of the saxophone filled Elliot's ears, his eyes started to droop, then they closed completely. It felt like only five minutes when he was shaken awake. He groaned and sat up. He shook his head and opened his eyes to see Olivia sitting on the bunk next to him.

"What time is it?" Elliot asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Almost two." Olivia said looking at Elliot, concern in her eyes.

He opened his mouth to say something but Olivia raised her hand to cut him off.

"You needed the sleep Elliot."

Elliot shook his head. "I know but not at work."

"El if you'd gone out in the field today and we had happened to get into a tight spot… well we would be as good as dead."

_She's right, damnit I hate it when she's right. _"I know I know."

"How long has it been since you've eaten anything?" Olivia said moving to sit next to Elliot.

Elliot shrugged his shoulders.

Olivia nodded and said, "C'mon lets go get something to eat."

They both stood up. Elliot walked over to the stereo to turn the music off.

"Leave it on" Olivia said, handing Elliot his shirt. "It's relaxing."

"Yea it is." Elliot said, taking his shirt and slipping it on. They both stood there listening to the soothing sound of the saxophone.

_I could stay like this forever, just me and Elliot, listening to Kenny G. _At that thought she grinned to herself.

"What?" Elliot asked with a dazzling smile.

"I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"Oh nothing important… lets go."

Elliot followed Olivia out of the Crib, the music still in his ears.


	2. Surpries

Olivia and Elliot sat in her car; a comfortable silence filled the car.

"So what do you want to eat?" Olivia asked, breaking the silence.

Elliot looked at her, a smile tugging at his mouth. "You know what I have been craving a big ass hamburger."

Olivia laughed. "I bet you have. Ok so… Billie Joe's?"

"Hell yes!"

Five minutes later they parked n front of Billie Joe's Bar & Grill. They walked in and waited to be seated.

"Elliot, Olivia!"

"Hey Sam, how're you doing?" Olivia asked, hugging Sam bouvier, a twenty-three year old waiter who has the mind and IQ of a third grader.

"I'm fine, how are you Elliot?" Sam asked, his voice full of glee.

"I'm ok, could be better but…"

Sam nodded his head, his mouth spread in a big smile. "Ok well follow me." He took Olivia's hand and practically dragged her to the back of the restaurant, Elliot following close behind. "The usual booth."

"Thanks Sam." Elliot said, sitting down across from Olivia.

Sam nodded, again a huge smile was on his face, and left. Elliot laughed and looked down at the menu. _Damn I wish I could have a beer. _Olivia saw him eying the beers. "Go ahead and get one, I won't tell." A smile spread across his face.

After Sam brought their drinks out and took their orders, Elliot and Olivia sat and talked, mostly about work. Fifteen minutes later Elliot was salivating over the burger sitting in front of him. He picked it up and took a huge bite. While chewing he looked at Olivia.

"Is –at oll your gonna eat?" Elliot asked his mouth full.

Olivia looked up from her salad. "Yea why?"

He swallowed shrugged and said, "I was just wondering."

"Well I don't starve myself, as you do, so I don't have to eat as much."

"Uh-huh well I don't ever remember you just eating a salad."

"Shut up." Olivia laughed.

He smiled and took another bite. Fifteen minutes later Elliot sat back in his chair and looked down at his plate. All that was left was a few fries and some lettuce. He picked up his beer and drank the rest of it.

"God I hope you're full." Olivia said, amazed at how much her partner ate.

He reached across the table and grabbed a tomato from Olivia's plate. He popped it in his mouth and smiled.

"Mmm-hmm."

Olivia laughed and shook her head. She enjoyed having the old Elliot back, even if it was just for now.

"Here you go guys!" The waiter laid the check on the table.

Olivia and Elliot both reached for the check at the same time, his hand landed on top of hers. Theirs eyes met for a brief second until he pulled his hand back.

"Um…let me pay." Elliot stammered, still looking into her chocolate brown eyes.

"No I will." Olivia said feeling her face turn red.

"you've had to deal with enough shit from me so the least I can do is pay for lunch, the whole…twelve dollars and eighty-four cense." He said looking down at the bill.

Olivia sighed in defeat. "Fine but I'm paying you back."

"No you're not Liv." Elliot said as he took out his wallet out of his back pocket and laid the money on the table. "But you could pay the tip." He added with a smile.

When they arrived back at the precinct, it was oddly quiet. Elliot took his and Olivia's coat and hung them up.

"Where is everyone?"

"I have no clue." Elliot went to the captain's office, knocked on the door and walked in, Olivia following him.

"Where is everyone Cap'n?"

"We've had a busy day Elliot."

"You should have called us if you needed help."

Cragen shook his head. "You two needed the break, especially you Elliot." Elliot opened his mouth to speak but the captain cut him off. "I'm giving the both of you the rest of the day off and tomorrow also."

"Captain…"

"…we don't need any time off."

Cragen looked at the weary detectives in front of him. There was no doubt that they needed time off, especially Elliot.

"We're not going to argue over it understand?"

Elliot and Olivia hung their shoulders in defeat and walked out into the bullpen.

"I don't need any friggin time off! That's the last thing I need right now." Elliot said, slamming his locker shut.

"Let's get together tomorrow for dinner or something." Olivia suggested as they walked out of the station house.

He nodded. "Yea that sounds good."

When Elliot was in his car and driving towards the Queens Borough Bridge, he started to think about what happened between him and Olivia. When their hands touched at Billie Joe's something flew through his veins. _What was so different about this time? Our hands always find a way to touch._

When he pulled into his driveway, he turned his car off and opened his door to the cold December air. He walked to the front door and pulled out his key. Elliot hesitated before he unlocked the door, not wanting to go into the empty house. Once inside he took off his coat and jacket, loosened his tie and went to the kitchen. He looked at the clock on the wall. _Four fucking 'o clock! _He sighed and opened the refrigerator and took out a beer. He was already bored. He looked around the kitchen. There were dishes still in the sink from the night that Kathy left. He finished his beer and went to put it in the trash but it was overflowing with garbage so he sat it on the countertop. He went upstairs to change.

When Elliot came back down he turned on the stereo in the living room. He went back into the kitchen and started to wash the dishes. Once he was done he got another beer from the refrigerator; before he closed the door he noticed the milk carton. _I haven't drunk any milk in a while. _He took it out and sniffed it. Elliot almost gagged; he looked at the expiration date. November 12th, more than a month old! He looked through the rest of the fridge and found numerous foods that were molding. He was in the middle of putting back all the foods that weren't spoiled when the doorbell rang. Puzzled, he jogged to the door.

Olivia had no idea what he was doing on Elliot's doorstep, in queens, at six 'o clock. When he opened the door Black Sabbath was blaring in the background. She hadn't expected him to look like he did when he opened the door. He had on dark, tight jeans and a black Aerosmith concert t-shirt that hugged at his chest.

"Uh hi"

"Hi um… come in." Elliot stepped aside to let Olivia in. She noticed that he was barefoot. Elliot turned the music down. "Um not that I don't like your company Liv but… why are you here?"

"I figured since we both don't have anything to do, we could have dinner together."

"So you come all the way out to Queens?"

"Yea I guess I did." Olivia said with a smile.

She followed him into his kitchen. "I'm afraid I don't have anything to eat." He said as he opened his refrigerator to reveal a jar of jalapeños, a few bottles of beer, and a jar of pickles.

"Yea I can see that.

"Do you just want to order pizza?"

"Sounds good to me."

After Elliot had called and ordered pizza, he and Olivia sat on his couch with their beers.

"What year is that from?" Olivia asked, pointing to Elliot's shirt.

"1980. I was seventeen years old. I had just gotten my Mustang fixed up that day."

"What was the year of your 'Stang."

"'67."

"Wow that's a nice year. I never had a car. I couldn't afford one 'cause I had to take care of my mom."

The doorbell rang just then. Elliot got up and picked up the money sitting on the table. He came back in with two large pizzas in his hands. Olivia got up from the couch and followed him into the kitchen.

"You got pepperoni right?"

"Of course I did. How could I forget?"

"Good, 'cause you know I would've kicked your ass if you didn't."

"Exactly why I ordered it."

Olivia put two pieces of pepperoni on her plate and walked back into the living room.

Elliot watched her every move, noticing the graceful way she walked, the way her ass…_no! I can't think about her. God help me. _Just then the music stopped and Boston started playing. He grabbed one piece of pepperoni and one piece of the supreme and went into the living room. He plopped down on the couch next to Olivia.

"Good choice."

"I've always loved Boston."

They ate in silence for a while.

"Liv?"

"Yea?"

"Thanks."

Olivia looked him in the eyes. _God he is irresistible. _"For what El?"

"Everything. I mean you've been here when I needed someone to talk to. And… I know i've been a drunken ass lately so I'm sorry."

Olivia smiled and leaned in to give Elliot a hug. They stayed in each others arms for a few minutes. Then he lifted Olivia's chin and kissed her lightly on the lips. When they broke away, they sat there staring into each others eyes.

Olivia was speechless. The man she dreamed about night after night had just kissed her. Her partner! _Shit! _"Uh… I- I'm getting some more pizza." She slipped out of his strong arms and ran into the kitchen.

Elliot watched her run off then looked down at her full plate of pizza. _Why did I do that? Now I've run her off. _He shook those thoughts from his head and followed Olivia into the kitchen. She was leaning on the counter, running her fingers through her hair.

"Liv…" he slowly walked towards her. "I'm sorry, I didn't…" by this time he was so close to her, he could feel her breath on his skin. He looked into her eyes. Olivia wrapped her arm around Elliot's neck, pulling him closer. Their lips crashed together. Olivia moaned into his mouth as his tongue caressed hers. He moved to unbutton her blouse but before he could undo the second button, the phone rang. He laid his forehead on her shoulder. "Damn!" Elliot reluctantly walked to the phone and answered. His face fell when Kathy answered him.

"Elliot we need to talk."

"I'm kind of busy right now Kathy." He shot a glance over at Olivia.

"Of course you're busy, you were always busy!"

"Kathy please let's not get into this right now. Please." She didn't say anything. "What did you call for?"

"He heard her sigh on the other end. "I have to know something."

"Ok…?"

"Did you ever cheat on me with Olivia?"


	3. Reminiscing

**A/N: Itlalics are either flashbacks or thoughts if you haven't figured that out by now. Enjoy!**

"What!" No! I was never unfaithful!" Elliot was shocked. But he felt he had cheated on Kathy, in his mind of course, but he had never physically done anything.

Kathy started to cry. Elliot sighed. "Take a breath." He hated it when she cried, especially when he was the cause of it.

"I was Elliot."

"Excuse me?" Maybe he had heard her wrong.

"I cheated on you Elliot!"

He was speechless. He looked over at Olivia.

Olivia saw Elliot tense up, but when he turned around she hadn't expected him to see tears in his eyes. She could see his hands shaking.

"Elliot talk, please." Kathy pleaded.

"I don't get you." Elliot snapped and slammed the phone on the receiver. "Bitch!"

Olivia walked over to him. "What was that about?"

He shook his head, refusing to talk. How could she cheat on him?

"Elliot?"

He looked up at Olivia, his eyes filled with tears. "how could she?"

"how could she what el?"

He didn't want to say it. "Kathy cheated on me."

"oh my god Elliot I'm sorry."

Elliot chuckled sadly. "You know what the ironic thing is? I'm a detective and I had no idea."

Olivia gathered him into her arms. There weren't many times when she was speechless like this. After a while, she said, "you need to call her back."

Elliot pulled away and shook his head. "No."

"Don't you want an explanation?"

"Kathy doesn't have to explain anything. I already know why; I was with you twenty-four seven!"

Olivia flinched. "Fine, ok well I'll see you Friday." She walked out of the kitchen and a few seconds later he heard the front door close. He slammed his fist on the counter. Olivia was right he did want some answers but he wasn't about to call Kathy.

How could he not see? Oh he knew their marriage was deteriorating. In the last few weeks that Kathy had been home they had hardly talked. Sometimes he wouldn't come home until three in the morning and even then he would sleep on the couch. If he was lucky he would be able to leave before Kathy got up. He couldn't remember the last time they had made love, even the last time they had kissed. _When was the last time I told her that I love her?_ Did this man she was with tell her that he lover her? _God I could shoot myself for being so blind!_ He went to the refrigerator and reached above it. His hand settled on a half full bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey. He wasn't the kind to just chug it out of the bottle so he went to the cabinet and got a shot glass.

Thursday 12/16/04 1:05 A.M.

Elliot had passed out on the couch about an hour before the phone rang. He jumped up from the couch and ran to the phone.

"Yea?"

"Daddy?"

"Maureen? Is everything ok?"

"I just wanted to tell you that I had no idea about mom."

"Honey its ok." He paused. "Did she tell you?"

"Yes well… I heard her talking to him the other night. So I asked her about it and she told me."

"Did she happen to tell you who and how long?"

"Oh daddy I know this is hard but I really think mom should tell you herself."

Elliot sighed. "Are you at your grandparents right now?"

"Yea."

"Tell your mother in the morning that I want to meet with her. I'll be at a coffee shop on the corner of Broadway and Lexington at one 'o clock tomorrow. If she wants to come I'll be there but I'm only gonna wait thirty minutes and if she doesn't then well I'll just enjoy a cup of coffee and leave."

"Ok daddy."

"Its late sweetie, you need to get to bed."

"Night daddy."

"G'night baby."

After he hung up, he walked into the living room and looked at the empty whiskey bottle. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He decided to get some more sleep upstairs.

Elliot woke up at a quarter to nine. His head felt like it had been split open with an ax. _That's what you get for drinking asshole._ He went downstairs to make some much needed coffee. As he sat at the table he noticed that it was snowing; the first of the year. _Liz and Dickie are probably outside right now._ Every year without fail, his twins would always wake up on the day of the first snow fall and play until they couldn't feel their toes.

_Three years ago_

"_Mom! Dad! It's snowing!" A nine year old Dickie jumped onto his dad's back._

_Eliot grunted. "Go ahead buddy, we'll be out there soon."_

"_Yesss!"_

_Elliot rolled over and wrapped his arm around Kathy. "I think I broke my back."_

_Kathy laughed and rolled over so that they were facing each other. "Or maybe you're just getting old."_

"_Ha-ha not funny." He smiled and kissed his wife. "Love you."_

"_I love you too. Now get off me so I can make breakfast."_

_Elliot saluted playfully. "Yes ma'am."_

_Kathy pushed him off, wrapped her robe around her, and went down the stairs._

"_I'll get the girls up." Elliot called after her._

"_Too late daddy." His eldest daughter, Maureen, yawned. Kathleen and Lizzie both came out of their rooms yawning._

"_Daddy why did Dickie get up so early?" Lizzie, Dickey's twin, asked._

"_Look outside."_

_She looked at him then went to the nearest window where a light snow was falling. Her face broke into a big smile and looked and him with big blue eyes. She ran to the window, stood on her tip toes, and looked outside._

"_It's snowing!" She ran back into her room to get dressed._

_Elliot followed his two daughters downstairs to the kitchen where Kathy was making breakfast. Dickie was already outside starting to build a snowman. Lizzie came shooting down the stairs and burst outside._

_After they were done eating, Maureen and Kathleen ran up to their rooms to get dressed while their parents drank coffee in the kitchen. When they came back down, Kathleen asked, "Are you guys coming out?"_

_Kathy and Elliot looked at each other. "Sure we are. We'll be out there in a little while."_

_Ten minutes later they walked outside in their winter apparel. It just so happened that they walked right into a snowball fight._

"_Dad they said it was girls against guys!"_

"_Aww now come on how fair is that?" Elliot asked as all the females in the Stabler family, with snowballs in their hands, started to corner him and Dickie. All at once they threw their snowballs at the two males._

_Dickie and Elliot simultaneously picked up snow and started throwing it. This lasted for an hour, resulting in the girls winning. _

"_How is it that they do this to us every year kid?" Elliot breathlessly asked Dickie, who shrugged, obviously tired._

"_Come help me with this Dickie!" Lizzie yelled as she started to roll the bottom ball for the snowman._

_Elliot heard the phone ring inside. "Dad are you gonna help us?"_

"_Yea lemme get the phone first." He ran into the house and answered the phone._

"_Elliot we need you at the precinct right now."_

_His face fell. "Alright I'll be there Cap."_

_We walked outside to Kathy. "Kath…"_

"_I know they called you in. Go ahead."_

_Elliot looked at his children's faces. Each and every one of them had a disappointed look on them._

That's how most of his memories ended. He remembered one time he was making love to Kathy and he got a call saying he had to report to a crime scene. It was actually pretty funny to him.

He realized that the coffee was done. As he sat there he started to think about all the events of last. Him and Olivia kissing, almost more that that, Kathy calling to tell him that she had cheated on him, the way he had exploded at Olivia, then Maureen's call. Too much in to little time. He suddenly remembered the meeting he had set up with Kathy, if she shows up. He looked at his watch, three and a half hours until one 'o clock. What was he going to do for three and a half hours? He decided to take a shower and shave. When he was done only thirty minutes had passed. _Damn._

He wandered around his house until he thought he would go crazy. He put his trench coat, scarf, and his beanie on and went outside. The snow was falling softly. Already the ground was under a couple inches of snow. He walked down the street towards the park. On the way he passed kids having snowball fights, kids building snowmen, and, hell, kids everywhere. He started thinking about the holidays. Would Kathy let him take his kids for Christmas? He guessed that would be answered this afternoon.

Thursday 12/16/04 1:15 A.M.

Elliot sat in a booth in the back of the coffee shop. He had his second cup of coffee in his hand. He was starting to have second thoughts about coming. He looked down into his coffee. He was suddenly aware of Kathy sitting across from him.

"Didn't think you'd show." Elliot said, smiling softly at her.

"I wasn't going to come but I decided you needed an explanation."

Elliot nodded. "Yea…yea that would be nice."

After she ordered her coffee she said, mostly talking to herself, "where do I begin?"

"Who is it?"

"Dr. Williams, he works the same shift I do at the hospital."

_A doctor! Jesus had it really gotten that bad?_ "How did it begin?"

"One day he saw me crying. He asked what was wrong and I told him. He as me to with him for coffee after our shift was over and I accepted."

"What was wrong?" Kathy looked at him, confused. "You said you were crying. What was wrong?'

"You had forgotten our anniversary Elliot." Tears were forming in her eyes.

Everything rushed back to him now. He had gone to work as usual on their anniversary, but he got caught in a big case. He didn't come home until five the next morning, didn't even call.

"That's how long it's been going on?" Since august?"

Kathy nodded. _Five months! How could I not have seen it? _"I'm sorry Elliot, I truly am. I just… I was lonely. You never talked to me, if you did it was about our money problems." Elliot hung his head in shame. "You never hugged me, kissed me, or touched me. I felt like you were only keeping me around because I was the mother of your children"

Elliot hung his head even lower. It was true; all of what she was saying was true. How could he have been so blind? A tear slid down his cheek. This was his fault, all of it. "I am so sorry Kathy." He looked up and met her eyes. "I never knew I was hurting you so much…"

She reached across the table and grabbed his hand. "Elliot it doesn't matter. What I did-"

"Why didn't you tell me how unhappy you were?"

"I tried. I really tried. Bur you would block it out, like you didn't want to hear it."

He leaned back and ran his hands over his face. He didn't know what to say. This was all his fault. If he had just listened to his wife, maybe, just maybe, they wouldn't be having this conversation.

"Did he ask you to leave me?"

Her tears started to fall freely now. "Yes he did. He promised me that I would be happier if I left."

"Are you happier?"

"Yes. I'm not waiting up every night just to yell when you come home."

"Cant we work something out?"

"As long as your working at SVU no I don't think we can Elliot. I still love you but…" she got up and started to put her coat on. Elliot got up and stepped in front of her.

"If were still in love then come back to me." He pleaded with her.

"See that's what your problem is. You still think we're twenty years old. We became different people as we grew older." She grabbed her purse. "You can have the kids for Christmas."

She walked out for the second time, leaving Elliot with a broken heart.


	4. Riley

Friday 12/17/04 7:35

Elliot trudged into the precinct, a Starbucks coffee in hand. He set the coffee down on a pile of paperwork and shook the snow from his hair. As he was hanging up his coat he saw Olivia's hanging up but she was no where to be seen. He figured she was in the restroom. He sat down at his desk and started his paperwork that had seemingly increased over the past two days. Five minutes later Olivia came down the stairs leading from the Crib.

She glanced over at Elliot. When their eyes met she saw a pain there that wasn't there two days ago or at least not as obvious. She sat at her desk across from him and also started her paperwork. They worked in silence for a while until Cragen walked out of his office.

"What's up Cap'n?" Olivia asked.

"There's been an incident in Queens."

Elliot turned to face Cragen. "What?"

"All I know is a woman and her daughter was murdered."

Olivia and Elliot both sighed and got their coats.

The ride to Queens was awkwardly quiet. Elliot finally broke the deafening silence at a stop light. "Liv the other night…"

"El don't worry about it."

"I am worrying about it. You had nothing to do with me and Kathy."

"I know, it's ok Elliot."

He looked into her eyes, trying to see if she was telling the truth.

"Uh El the light…"

"Oh shit." He ignored the horns and his partner's laughs and drove ahead.

Elliot pulled the black Chevrolet sedan into an upscale suburbia. The house wasn't hard to spot since there were patrol cars parked outside it. They walked up to the front door and showed the uniform their badges.

"Follow me detectives."

They followed the uniform up the stairs and into what they figured to be the master bedroom. There was a young woman lying in a pool of her ownblood.

Olivia turned to the ME. "What happened?"

"Poor woman was beaten to a pulp and stabbed. All pre-mortem."

"Where's her daughter?" Elliot asked, looking around.

"This way." The ME led them down the hall and into a bedroom. It was painted light pink with two frilly beds. A little girl, about eight years old, lay face down on her bed.

"How?" Elliot looked down at the little girl.

"He slit her throat."

Elliot clenched his jaw. "There's two beds here, where's the other daughter?" He looked over at a crime scene investigator.

"There's a picture downstairs that had the mom and two girls in it?"

"Well where the hell is she?" The two detectives looked at each other. Elliot ran down the stairs and into the living room. He started to bark out orders. "Ok people, we have a missing child. Look in every room, closet, cabinet, anywhere she could be."

Olivia looked at Elliot. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were full with rage. He was looking at a picture of a young couple with a newborn girl and what looked like a two year old girl. The young woman and the two year old were the victims. Elliot turned to a CSU member. "What are their names?"

"Uh the woman's is…Joanne Amica. We don't know her daughter's names."

Elliot nodded and looked at Olivia. "I'd like to –"

But he was cut off by a uniform. "Detective we found her."

Olivia and Elliot followed him into a bathroom. He pointed to a linen closet. Olivia looked at Elliot and nodded. He slowly opened the closet door. Curled up in a ball was a little girl, about six years old. She had long, curly blonde hair. Elliot kneeled down in front of her.

"Hi sweetie."

Her eyes flew open. She looked at Elliot with big blue eyes.

"My name's Elliot. What's yours?" She just looked at him. "Ok cutie how old are you?" She held up six fingers. "Wow six! That's a good age." She smiled. "So are you going to tell me your name or am I just gonna have to guess?" Her smile got bigger. "Ok…um Susan?" She shook her head. "Ok…Amber?" No. "Erica?" "Katie?" "Riley?" Her smile widened but she still shook her head. "It is Riley isn't it?" She nodded. Elliot smiled and looked up at Olivia who was also smiling. Her partner had such a way with kids…

Elliot looked back at Riley who was staring up at Olivia. "That's Olivia, she's my friend." He paused. "Can I pick you up?" Riley nodded. Elliot lifted her up. She laid her head on his shoulder.

"You smell like my daddy."

Elliot smiled. "So you can talk." He carried Riley out to the car and put her in the back. "We're going to take you to the hospital just to make sure you ok, alright sweetie?"

"Ok."

Elliot shut the door as Olivia came up behind him. "She really likes you Elliot." He nodded. She laid a hand on his forearm. "You ok?"

"Yea I'm fine. Let's just get her to the hospital."

9:30 A.M. Mercy Hospital

Elliot and Olivia walked into the hospital with Riley asleep in Elliot's arms. Olivia went to the desk to tell the nurse that they neededher to be checked.

"Sure we'll get Dr. Williams on it right away." The nurse told Olivia.

Elliot turned to face the nurse. "What doctor did you say?"

"Dr. Williams."

"Why does it matter Elliot?" Olivia asked noticing the fury in his blue eyes.

Before he could answer, a tall dark-haired doctor walked up.

"I'm Dr. Williams. Is this the little girl I need to see?"

"Uh yes. Riley Amica." Olivia answered since Elliot was obviously not going to.

"Can you take her into exam room 3?" Dr. Williams asked the nurse.

When Riley was gone Elliot took his badge out and showed it to Williams. "Last name look familiar Dr.?" Williams looked at Elliot's ID. His eyes bulged out.

Olivia was looking back and forth between Williams and Elliot. She wasn't sure what was going on but she had an idea.

"Have you enjoyed my wife Dr.?" Elliot hissed as he took a step towards the doctor.

Williams jumped back. "Detective Stabler let's not do this right here and now please."

"Why not? Don't want your colleagues to know you're a lying bastard?" Elliot started walking towards Williams until the good doctor's back was against the wall. Although Elliot was shorter than Williams, Elliot seemed to tower over him.

"Look I need to look at that little girl. We can talk afterwards."

Elliot stood there, his blue piercing Williams' brown eyes. Olivia saw Elliot's vein pounding in his temple. She grabbed his shoulder and gently pulled him back. "Go get some air Elliot." She whispered in his ear. He nodded and turned on his heel and walked outside. Olivia faced Dr. Williams. "Hurry up."

After fifteen minutes of pacing in the snow, Elliot went back into the hospital. As he was walking in, Olivia came out of the exam room.

"How's she doin?"

"She's fine…what about you?" Olivia asked as she sat down. Elliot sat down next to her and rubbed his face with his hands. After a long silence, "he's the guy that uh -."

"Yea he's the guy that made me look like a fool."

"Elliot wha-."

"Detectives, Riley is ready to go." Dr. Williams stood at the doorway with riley at his side. When she saw Elliot, she ran into his arms. Over her shoulder, he glared at Williams.

Olivia stood up. "Thank you doctor."

11:00 A.M. 1-6 Precinct

Outside of the precinct, Elliot bent down so he could look into Riley's eyes.

"Alright Riley, Liv and I are going to take you into a room and ask you some questions ok?"

She nodded. "Ok."

He took her hand and led her into the squad room. John and Fin were sitting at their desks. They looked up when the three of them entered.

"Riley this is John and Fin."

Riley giggled. "Fin?"

Elliot led her into a room that had a little table and chairs, stuffed animals, and toys. Riley sat at the table while Elliot sat in a little chair across from her.

"Riley can you tell me what your sister's name is?" Elliot asked in his softest voice.

"Caroline." Riley whispered.

Elliot nodded. "Riley sweetie, can you tell me what happened this morning?"

Riley began to shake and tears were forming in her eyes. She violently shook her head. "I can't."

"Riley I give you my word that no one will hurt you." Elliot placed his hand over hers.

"I-it was really early and I had to go to the bathroom. So I got up and went. I heard a man yell something at Mommy." She paused and took a deep breath. Tears were streaming down her face. "Then I heard him go into mine and sissy's room. I heard her scream then it was quiet. Then I heard him leave." She was sobbing now.

Elliot got up and walked over and crouched down beside her. "Riley you have been a very brave girl but I have one more question: where is your daddy?"

Riley looked at him, fresh tears falling down her face. "Daddy died."

Elliot took her into his arms. As she sobbed into his shoulder he looked at Olivia.

She stood in the corner watching Elliot talk to Riley. She could see the pained look in his eyes whenshe toldElliotthat her father had died.

Elliot stood up and told Riley that he would be back and walked out of the room with Olivia behind him. They went into the room next to them where Cragen had been watching through the one way mirror.

"What going to happen to her Cap'n?" Elliot asked, leaning against the wall.

"ACS said that they'll place her with emergency foster care."

"Captain…"

"Elliot what are you gonna do? Take her home with you?"

Elliot looked at him expectantly.

"No way, the department would have a fit."

Elliot sighed. "She doesn't have any family?"

The captain shook his head. "Her dad was killed two months ago and no family is available." The captain looked at his detective. "I wish she could go home with you Elliot I really do but you're already on the department's bad side."

Elliot ignored that last comment. "Let's go to lunch Liv. We'll take Riley with us Cap'n."

Elliot and Olivia sat at a table in a McDonalds, watching Riley play in the play area.

"We can't put her in foster care Liv." Elliot said staring at nothing in particular.

"There's nothing we can do about it El. It's up to ACS." She placed her hand on his.

"It's just…" he sighed. "I don't want her to become just another kid in foster care."

"Elliot there is nothing we can do about it." Olivia repeated. "What did you expect?"

Elliot shook his head. "I dunno. I just… I guess I miss my girls to much."

Olivia nodded but didn't say anything. They watched Riley play for a while. "Did you talk to Kathy?" _Well duh of course he did! He wouldn't have known that it was the doctor._ "Well I mean I know you talked to her but…"

Elliotglanced at her then went back to watching Riley. "I know what you mean." He paused. "She told me how long it's been going on and…" he sighed, "lets talk about it later ok?"

Olivia nodded and then got up to get Riley.

When they arrived at the precinct, ACS was waiting to take Riley. The social worker said she would be put with a family in Queens. When Elliot told Riley she was leaving, she started to cry.

"Why can't I stay with you and 'Livia?"

"Because we have work Riley. We are extremely busy. Now go with Ms. Perry."

"Will you come see me?"

"Of course I will."

When Riley had gone, Elliot fell into his chair. He was exhausted but he didn't know why. Olivia came over and sat on the corner of his desk.

"You ok?"

He leaned on his elbows. "I guess."

"You guess." She repeated.

"I'm just tired of all this Liv."

"I am too, hell all of us are, but we still have to do our job."

7:45 P.M.

Elliot and Olivia had interviewed everyone at Joanne's work; she was a receptionist for some hotshot broker on Wall Street. They hadn't been able to talk with him as he was in meetings all day. They also learned that Riley's father had been murdered two months ago, but Homicide still hadn't been able to find the killer.

"I'm betting that whoever killed Mr. Amica killed Joanne and Caroline." Munch announced to the squad.

"Wow great thinking Sherlock." Elliot said sarcastically.

"Uh huh."

"Ok people where do we go from here?" Cragen asked.

"Everyone we've talked to says that she wasn't really close with anybody, especially after her husband was killed. The few friends she did have said that she had been distant from them lately."

"Well let's find out why but right now you four go home and get some rest."

"No need to tell my twice." Fin said, grabbing his coat. "See ya'll lata."

"I guess I'll go too, I've got some things to take care of." Munch said. "See you two tomorrow."

After John left, Elliot looked at Olivia with a quizzical look. "What things would John have to take care of?'

Olivia laughed. "I have no idea." She got up and went to her locker.

"You wanna go out for a drink?"

"Sure."


	5. Ch 5

O'Shea's Bar 8:05 P.M.

Elliot and Olivia were seated in a corner booth. Their waitress brought a round of beer and a bowl of pretzels to their table. Each had something they wanted to talk about. It was just a matter of who spoke first.

"So um what's going on with you and Kathy?" Olivia cautiously asked.

Elliot sighed and downed the rest of his beer. _How did I know she wanted to talk about that?_ "She cheated on me. Not much more than that."

Olivia glared at him. "Elliot…"

"What do you want to know Olivia? Go ahead ask me."

"Elliot I…"

"You want to know what's going on; she's been with that Dr. Williams for five fucking months. And do you want to know why? Because I didn't love her enough."

Olivia didn't know what to say. She knew he hadn't gone home enough but she didn't realize it had gotten that bad. "Elliot I … I'm sorry."

He looked down at his hands. "I am too."

They drank their beers in silence, neither knowing what to say to each other.

"Let's get outta here." Olivia said after a few minutes.

Elliot nodded and slapped a twenty on the table.

Outside of the bar, they stood on the sidewalk watching the traffic go by.

"Liv I um the house is empty and uh…" he trailed off, looking down at his feet.

"Yes you can stay at my apartment. I told you El just ask."

Although it was freezing they decided to walk since it was only five blocks away. Three blocks from Olivia's apartment, it started to snow.

"God I love the city when it snows." Olivia said, slowing down to take in the scene. "It's so peaceful."

Elliot nodded but didn't say anything. They walked in silence the rest of the way. Inside of her apartment, they both shed their winter coats and scarves.

"I don't have another bed, so I guess you have the couch." Olivia said. "I'm gonna change, I'll be out in a sec."

Elliot nodded and sat on the couch. He untied his tie and unbuttoned the first three buttons on his shirt. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He heard Olivia walk into the room. He opened his eyes. She was wearing gray sweatpants and a white tank top.

"You want anything to drink? Coke, water, coffee…"

"Coke's fine."

She went into the kitchen. She came back out with two cokes in her hands. She sat down next to Elliot and handed him a coke.

"Thanks." He opened the can and took a sip. "Liv when was the last time we both had a real vacation, you know more than two days?"

"To tell you the truth I don't think I've ever had a vacation while I've worked in SVU. Why?"

Elliot shrugged his broad shoulders. "No reason, just curious I guess."

A few minutes passed. "You in the mood for a movie?"

He smiled and nodded.

Olivia got up from the couch and opened a cabinet by the TV. She sat down in front of it. "What do you want to watch?"

Elliot got up and sat down next to her. He looked at the three rows of DVDs. All chick flicks. "I don't really have a choice do I?"

"Sure you do; there's Charlie's Angels…"

He glared at her. "You're kidding right?" Olivia laughed. "We can watch whatever you want to watch." He scooted back to where his back was resting against the couch. Olivia started a movie and sat down next to him.

"What are we watching? Wait will I regret asking?"

"Don't worry its not Legally Blonde or anything."

"Excuse me?"

"Never mind."

Elliot shook his head and laughed. "So what are we watchin?"

"Step Mom."

"Oh ok." He paused. "I've never heard of it." He scooted closer to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

Olivia shook her head and tried to watch the movie. She tried not to think about Elliot being so close, his gentle touch, his smell… but what happened the other night between the two of them just…scared her.

As the movie winded down, she laid her head on Elliot's chest, feeling it rise up and down with every breath he took. He pulled her closer and put his head against hers.

"Liv?" He needed to talk to her about the other night.

"Hmm?"

He looked down at his watch when he heard her yawn. "Well… I wanted to talk to you about the other night but if you're too tired…" he trailed off when he heard her breathing deeply. He looked down and smiled. She was fast asleep, her head and hand rested on his chest.

Fatigue finally hit him. He hugged Olivia closer and closed his eyes. He had just fallen asleep when he heard his phone chirping in his jacket across the room. He moved Olivia and got up. His phone showed one missed call from the captain. _Shit what now?_

"Everything alright?" Olivia mumbled.

"I dunno but the captain called." He dialed Cragen's number. "Sorry captain I was-."

"Elliot someone kidnapped Riley!"

"What?"

"Get over to the foster home now. CSU is over there now."

"Was anyone hurt?"

"The foster parents weren't but I'm not sure about…"

"I'll be there." He slapped his phone shut.

"What happened?" Olivia asked, fully awake now.

"Riley was kidnapped." His voice was frantic. He went into her bathroom and splashed his face with ice cold water.

Olivia came into the bathroom and looked at him through the mirror. "Are you going to the foster home?"

Elliot leaned his forearms on the sink and nodded.

"Do you want me to come?"

He nodded again. "Please."

Saturday 12/18/04 1:25 A.M.

The two detectives drove up to the Jacobs family's house. They were a young couple who weren't able to have children so they applied for foster care. _I bet they weren't expecting this _Elliot thought as they walked to the front door.

They Jacobs said that they had just put Riley to bed when a man knocked on the door. "Being a cheap house there isn't a peep-hole so I opened the door and the man pushed me and the door aside." Mr. Jacobs explained. "He had a gun out. He told me to get my wife and stay in his sight or he would shoot us."

"Could you describe him?" Elliot asked as he finished writing notes.

"He had a mask on but he was average height 6'1, 6'2 maybe. He was your build detective." He pointed to Elliot.

"Did he say anything that could tell us who he is or where he's taking her?"

Mr. Jacobs shook his head but Mrs. Jacobs responded. "When he left I saw him put Riley in a dark truck."

They went through a few more routine questions, took a look at Riley's bedroom, and left.

"The station house?" Olivia asked as she started the car.

"Actually go to the Amica's house."

Olivia started to question him but thought better of it since he was already angry and extremely tired. As they pulled up to the curb Olivia asked, "What are we looking for?"

"Anything that might tell us who kidnapped Riley." He got out of the car and slammed the door.

"Well it's obvious that it's got to be whoever killed Joanne and Caroline."

Elliot gave her a look so menacing that she flinched. "I meant specifically." He walked up the pathway and ducked under the crime scene tape, not waiting for Olivia.

She found him in the kitchen, looking through a pile of papers. "What are you expecting to find Elliot?" CSU has been through everything."

"Did we ever find a planner?" He moved from the stack of papers to another.

Olivia sighed. "No, there was no planner, no calendar, nothing. Elliot-."

"Look at this." He handed her a $5,000 check. It was signed by her boss, Lance DeVries.

"Maybe she needed some money."

He raised an eyebrow. "He's her boss Olivia. Have you ever personally gotten a $5,000 check from Cragen?"

"Well no but…"

"And look at this, a bank report. It shows a $5,000 payment every month. Sounds like hush money to me."

Olivia sighed. He was right. "But for what?"

"We need to talk to DeVries." He looked at his watch. "Should we wake him?"

"Do you like him for this?"

"I dunno but I want Riley back safe."

"Alright let's go talk to Mr. Lance DeVries."


	6. Ch 6

Saturday 12/18/04 2:15 A.M.

They stood outside the door of Lance DeVries' loft in lower Manhattan. Elliot rapped loudly on the door. After a few minutes, he knocked again but louder. The door opened a few inches, a pair of green eyes peered out at the detectives.

"Mr. DeVries?"

"Yes?"

They held up their badges for him to see. "We'd like to talk to you about Joanne Amica."

"Now?"

"Its very important sir."

He sighed and closed his door. They heard his chain unlatch and he opened the door all the way. Lance DeVries was as tall and as broad as Elliot.

"Come in."

"Mr. DeVries we want to ask you about a number of checks you made out to Joanne."

DeVries sat in a big leather chair and stared at the detectives but didn't say anything.

"Do you know anything about her daughter's kidnapping?"

"Riley was kidnapped?"

Elliot nodded. "You don't know anything about that do you?"

"Why would I?" He stood up.

"What were those checks for Lance?"

"Joanne was having money problems, she asked me to help." He shrugged.

"So you gave her $5,000 a month?" Elliot questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Lance shrugged again. "I guess I'm just generous."

Elliot and Olivia glanced at each other. "I'm sure you are Mr. DeVries. Sorry to wake you. We'll be in touch with you soon."

"We need to check Joanne's bank records and Lance's too." Olivia said as they walked into the elevator.

Elliot nodded and pushed the ground floor button. "We can't do anything else tonight…this morning."

"I need some sleep." She yawned.

"You and me both."

When they walked into Olivia's apartment, Elliot watched as she gracefully took off her sweatshirt and slipped off her shoes. She felt his eyes on her and turned around, smiling. "What?"

He shrugged his shoulders and grinned. "Nothin'." But his grin gave away his thoughts. _Wow he looks like the Cheshire cat off of Alice in Wonderland. Why does he have to be so goddamn sexy? _She felt herself blush.

"I'll uh get the blankets for you." And with that she hurriedly went into her room.

Elliot laughed to himself and took off his coat and jacket. He had developed a migraine on the ride from DeVries and he needed some Tylenol.

"Where's the Tylenol Liv?" He asked as Olivia came into the living room.

"Umm…" she pointed to the bathroom. "In the medicine cabinet."

Elliot was amazed at how many hair products she had on the counter top. He opened the cabinet and pulled the bottle of pain reliever out. He carried it back to the living room. Olivia wasn't there so he went into the kitchen. Her back was facing him; it looked like she was getting coffee ready for them when they got up. He watched for a few seconds before she turned around. He smiled at her and went to the refrigerator. He pulled out a bottle of water and swallowed three pills. He took off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt.

They went into the living room and sat on the couch. Olivia laid her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his head against hers.

"Elliot?"

"Hmm?"

She pulled away from him and ran a hand through her hair. "What is this between us?" I mean it feels right but yet it doesn't. You're still married and…hell you're a Catholic. Doesn't that mean-."

He raised a hand to cut her off. "First of all don't worry about me being a Catholic. I, uh, I lost my faith a few months ago." Olivia shot him a double take. "And second of all, me and Kathy are as good as dead."

"Elliot…"

"Liv, I'm tired and I really don't want to talk about this." He sighed. "If you don't want us to be together then…"

She looked down at her hands. "No Elliot I, I do want us to be together."

"Then where is the problem Liv?"

She shrugged. "I guess I'm too much of a good girl." She said with a smile.

Elliot grinned. "You? A good girl? Nah." He pulled her close to him and kissed her softly. "We need to get some sleep."

Olivia nodded and got up from the couch. "Goodnight El."

He smiled and said, "'Night Liv." He watched as she walked into her room then laid down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. He closed his eyes. His last thoughts were what would have happened if he had met Olivia twenty years earlier.

**Sorry it's so short.There will be more next chapter.I promise.**


	7. Ch 7

It was 7:40 when Olivia woke up. She groaned as she swung her legs over the side of her bed. She ran her hands through her hair and walked into the living room. Elliot was strewn out on the couch, his leg was hanging over the side and his arm was draped over his face. She trudged into the kitchen and started to make coffee. When it was done, she poured twp cups and went back into the living room. She kneeled next to Elliot and held the cup under his nose. He sniffed and stretched his arms over his head. His eyes fluttered open.

"Morning." She handed him the coffee as he sat up.

"Morning." He yawned. "What time is it?"

"Ten till eight."

He rubbed his face in an attempt to wake himself up. "You don't by any chance have a razor do you?"

"One for you, you mean? No."

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

He grinned and stood up, stretching. "We need to get going." He looked around. "Where's my tie?"

* * *

When they walked into the precinct, Munch ran up to them.

"I checked DeVries' bank records like you told me. Well he's been dishing out $5,000 checks to Joanne for the past year." He handed Elliot the bank's report. "And that's not all." He paused.

Elliot raised his eyebrows. "And…"

"DeVries made his first paymentto a storage compartment yesterday."

Store 'N Go 54th and Broadway 12/18/04

"Did he say what he wanted to store here?" Elliot asked the manager.

"No and I didn't ask." He stopped in front of a compartment. "This is it."

Elliot took thelock cutter and cut the Master's lock off. He opened the door and stepped inside, his gun drawn. Olivia stepped in behind him and turned on the light. There were cardboard boxes stacked upon each other but no sign of Riley.

"Dammit!"

"Elliot look at this!"

Behind a stack of boxes was a little trail of blood.

"Son of a bitch! He came here after we talked to him this morning." His jaw clenched as he dialed Munch's number on his phone. "John, DeVries took Riley from here. I need you and Fin to see if he went to work at all from 2:30 this morning till now…me and Liv will take his house." He slapped his phone shut. "Let's go."

Outside of DeVries loft, Elliot pounded on the door.

"DeVries open up!" He waited a few seconds, then kicked the door down. He ran in. The place was a mess. In DeVries room all the drawers were empty. "Bastards left."

"Elliot, Munch just called. He never came into his office."

"Call the captain. Tell him to call the Canadian border patrol. We need Casey to freeze his accounts."

"Ok border patrol is alert." She paused. "Do you really think he'll head to Canada?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. I hope not."

She nodded. "Let's canvas the building."

1-6 Precinct 12/18/04 11:30 A.M.

Elliot sat in his chair, feet propped on his desk. Olivia sat on the corner of his desk.

"What did the two of you get from the canvas?" Cragen asked.

"Neighbor says he saw DeVries leave 15 minutes after we left. Said he looked really shaken."

John and fin walked into the bullpen, smiling. They handed Cragen a paper. "TARU dumped DeVries cell phone and found out he has a GPS tracker on it. Idiot forgot to turn it off."

"Where is he?"

"Maine-looks like in a wooded area. Most likely a cabin."

The captain looked at Elliot and Olivia. "You two up for a trip?"


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I am soooo sorry it's been so long since I've updated but I have been tremendously busy...yes I know I had summer but I also had softball and all that. And when I did try to write, writer's block would kick in, but last night when I was hyped up on beer I decided to finish this chapter. But anyways the point is that I've updated so I would love some reviews. Ta ta.**

Elliot dropped Olivia off at her apartment. They both had to change into something more comfortable and get an extra change of clothes just in case they had to stay over night. As Elliot was walking into his house, the phone was ringing. He threw his keys on the table and jogged into the kitchen to answer the phone. But when he looked at the caller ID, he cursed to himself. _Mercy Hospital._ It either had to be Kathy of Dr. Williams so he let the answering machine catch it.

"Detective Stabler, this is Dr. Mark Williams. Um… I know you would probably like to kill me right now…" Elliot grunted as he listened "…but we need to talk. I know you're busy with work and all but if you could just give me a call at the hospital when you have time, I'd appreciate it."

Thirty minutes later, Olivia opened the car door to the black sedan. One look at Elliot told her something was wrong.

"What's wrong?"

He smiled. "Why do you always think there's something wrong?"

"Everytime I've asked there's always been something wrong."

His smile faded. He sighed and shook his head. "Nuthin's wrong."

"God dammit Elliot! Talk to me!"

"That doctor, Dr. Williams, called. He wants to talk."

"So what's wrong with that?"

"Cause he's a fucking prick!"

"Why? Because he took your wife?" She regretted saying it as soon as the words left her mouth.

"Excuse me?" He pulled the car over. She could see the shame in his blue eyes.

"Elliot I …I didn't mean-."

"No Olivia you're right, you're absolutely right. I'm jealous of that man because he loves one helluva woman and she loves him back. No that that's out can we please not fight anymore? I've got a fucking horrible headache."

She nodded and turned away from him, looking out the window.

After an hour of silence, Olivia turned the radio on. "What do you wanna listen too?"

Elliot shrugged. "Whatever you want."

She tuned into a country station which resulted in Elliot clearing his throat in disapproval. She turned the station to a rap station. She turned to see her partner glaring at her. She held up her hands in mock defense. "I'm just kidding." She found a classic rock station and judging from the look on Elliot's face this was where it was going to stay.

Olivia watched as Elliot drummed along with Eddie Money's Two Tickets to Paradise on the steering wheel. In jeans, a white T-shirt, his leather jacket, and sunglasses he looked like a normal guy with a normal life, a normal job. But he didn't have a normal life or job; in fact it was far from normal. He also wasn't a normal guy, or at least not to her.

Elliot, he has a certain kind of charm. He's not one of those guys where he can make a girl laugh no matter what the situation is. His sarcastic, smart-ass comments make up for that. But he knows how to make a woman feel good about herself. It seems he knows exactly what to say and when to say it.

Four hours later, they pulled into the Naples Police Station. They got out, stretched, and walked, through the steadily increasing snow, into the station. They were shown to an office where they shook hands with the town sheriff.

"Now you're guys in the city faxed their information up here. Your man is in a cabin here." He rolled out a map on his desk and drew a circle. "It's heavily wooded. There's probably a good three feet of snow out there by now. And before you ask, we do have a SWAT team."

Elliot and Olivia looked at each other and shrugged. "Sounds good to me."

There were about thirty uniforms surrounding the cabin. Elliot had told the SWAT leader not to fire because if Riley was in there he didn't want her to be hurt. As the SWAT team slowly and quietly advanced, Elliot and Olivia followed behind them, guns in hand. Elliot smiled in triumph as the SWAT team quickly knocked down the door and ran in. He expected to heat some sort of arguing but al he heard was 'All clear' three times.

"No no no! God dammit!" Elliot sprinted into the cabin. "Fuck!"

"Detective Stabler we found this on the table in the kitchen." The SWAT leader held up DeVries' cell phone.

"Son of a bitch." Olivia said as she walked in.

"Detectives we have blood over here." A member of the Naples CSU was knelt down by a small puddle of blood.

All of a sudden Elliot whipped around and slammed his fist on the cabin's wall. "Mother fucker!"

Olivia jumped in surprise at his sudden, but rapidly becoming common, outburst. She put her hand on his shoulder, hoping to calm him but he shrugged it off and walked outside into the bitter winter weather.


End file.
